CEBU CITY, Philippines – It was Cebu’s turn to experience the wit of Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago, as she graced the University of the Philippines Cebu commencement exercises, yesterday afternoon as the keynote speaker.
Being known for her catchy pickup lines, the lady senator did not disappoint her audience, giving the estimated 1,500 people in attendance laughing with her contemporary jokes.
Santiago started her speech in Ilonggo, which is her mother tongue, and immediately proceeded by sharing her ordeal like having to wake up at 5 a.m. and surviving Metro Manila’s deadly traffic. The lady senator even jokingly told her audience how fortunate she was in getting to the airport alive to catch her flight to Cebu.
Then the Senator started giving funny punch lines. Here are some examples:
“Traffic sa Manila. Masasagupa mo mga drug addicts, s*x addicts. May isa nga sa Senado.” (“Its traffic in Manila, you will encounter drug addicts, s*x addicts; there’s even one in the Senate.”)
“Kahit pinatawag siya sa Presidente o sa Senado, hindi siya pumunta. Pero pinatawag siya sa UP, punta kaagad siya.” (Even if she [herself] was called by the President or by the Senate, she didn’t go. But when UP called her, she immediately goes.”)
In one part of her speech, Santiago also gave advice to students who want to break up with their partners.
“Kung may boyfriend ka o girlfriend na gusto mong i-break after graduation, ito sabihin mo: ‘Password ka ba? Kasi hindi kita kayang kalimutan pero kaya kitang palitan.'”
(“If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you wish to break up with, tell them this: ‘Are you a password? Because I cannot forget you, but I can replace you.’”)
“Summer ka ba? Kasi wala kang class.” (Are you summer? Because you don’t have class.”)
“Bachelors degree ka ba? Kasi tapos na ako sa iyo.” (Are you a Bachelors degree? Because I’m done with you.”)
And in line with the recent event in the country, one joke from Santiago poked fun at US President Barack Obama.
“Use Obama in a sentence. If I’m all alone, I’m Obama-self.”
And finally, she also delivered a classic joke on Juan Tamad.
Teacher asks students: Ano gusto mo paglaki mo? (What do you want to be when you grow up?)
Pedro: Gusto ko tulong kapwa. (I want to help my fellowmen.)
Jose: Gusto ko doktor para tulong kapwa. (I want to be a doctor so I can help my fellowmen.)
Kiko: Gusto ko mayor para tulong kapwa. (I want to be a mayor so I can help my fellowmen.)
Maria: Gusto lingkod kapwa. (I want to give service to fellowmen.)
Juan Tamad: Gusto ko ako ang kapwa. (I want to be a fellowmen.)
After delivering punch lines after punch lines, the Ilongga senator then switched to a more serious topic, as she reminds the 300 graduates about the idealism and passion of the ‘Iskolars ng Bayan.’
The good senator also stressed to the graduates the importance of showing gratitude to their professors even though they seemed to make it impossible for the students to graduate.